Y0,

if i wrote a book.

it would be a memoir, obviously, due to my extreme self-involvment. it would be titled “sporting a head full of juvenile: how hair dye ruined my life”. seriously, i should quit cold turkey before my hair falls out.

i am so unexiting, it’s gross. i play scrabble with my dad and bake cookies from scratch and obsessively dye my hair. someone should just slap me across the face and scream “LIVE YOUR LIFE” but even that sounds cliché, (thank you so much, american eagle). i see all these movies and read all these books that make it seem like there’s things going on that i’m just clearly not a part of. i wonder if successful people feel this way. i’d guess no. i wish i had more thoughts and ideas and events going on in my life, if only for the sole purpose of having something to offer people who think they’re my friend. i’m not anyone’s friend; i’m boring.

you know that feeling you get when you wake up to find out your dad is in the hospital for what is later figured out to be a heart attack? you know that feeling you get when you feel so incredibly guilty because while you’re there looking at your dad in a fucking hospital bed you let one unforgivably selfish thought creep into your head about whether or not you’re still going on the beach vacation that was planned for that exact day? do you, by any chance, know that feeling you get when you realize that your father is not as strong as you need to believe? could you possibly know that feeling you have when you are forced to see your father as a “survivor”? i’ll never forget these feelings.

survive longer, please dad, much longer.

top five worst feelings you can have in your mouth:

(in my opinion)

1 biting aluminum foil

2 chewing sugary gum/drinking ice water when you have a cavity

3 biting your tongue

4 that little owie you get from too much sour

5 cottonmouth

i need a life.